Her Biracial Baby....Soulful Stories

In the 2000 census, 2.4 million people described themselves as more than one race, 784,764 people classified themselves as both Black and White, and these numbers are actually under-representative. Many people will choose to only identify themselves as only one race leaving the true number of bi- or multiracial Americans a mystery to match the Sphinx.

But what we do know is that these numbers are growing and our country is becoming more and more of that melting pot that we learned about in grade school. The 2000 census also showed 2.7 million interracial marriages. And 3.7% of married Black women were just like my friend Lia, married to a non-Black spouse and many, just like my friend Lia, are mothers to biracial babies. May they all be as precious as her cutie!

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Name: Lia Rogers
Location: North Chicago suburbs
Mothering Situation: Mother to a biracial baby
Child: Neveah 8 months

Describe the details of your unique mothering situation: I am black and my husband of 3 1/2 years is white. We gave birth to a beautiful little girl 8 months ago.

 

Your favorite thing about being a mom: I'm a self-described goofball mommy, and it's fun to have someone I can make funny faces and voices for and not be judged. LOL!

What challenges have you faced? I think overcoming labels and others' stereotypes are the main challenges. Because Nevaeh has a lighter complexion than myself and looks a little more like her dad, I get a few stares when it's just me and her. But I've learned to ignore them. Another challenge is diversity. We live in a predominantly white suburb and I'm constantly worried that she isn't getting exposed to the diversity that she represents. As an infant, this isn't such a big deal, but once she gets older and starts interacting with other children a bit more, I would like her to be more exposed to different ethnicities.

How have you overcome these challenges? Here's a story that illustrates that challenge: When Nevaeh was first born, I had her in the stroller and an elderly white lady wanted to see the baby. I opened the stroller cover and the woman just stared and was barely able to speak -- I guess she was expecting a cute chocolate brown baby like myself. She was finally able to speak and mumbled "how cute" and went on her way. It's situations like this one that are beginning to prepare me to be more educated about raising a biracial child. Not being biracial myself, I don't know what she will go through in her life or what personal challenges she will face, but I have to learn as much as I can. I can often be found on message boards catering to parents of biracial children and I also talk to friends who are multiracial to get their perspective.

As far as diversity, both her dad and I will have to be on the ball to help expose her to the positivity and beauty of the unique cultures that are a part of her. I joke that I want her to have on one of those curly wigs and be an Irish step dancer one day and wear kente cloth and perform African dances the next. We will make sure that she knows how to make lefse (a Norwegian potato pancake) and hot water cornbread!

Describe your parenting support system? My husband, my family and my friends. My husband is very sensitive and aware of how Nevaeh will be different than some of her classmates. As a black woman, I am a little bit more in tuned to some of the issues she will probably face and when we discussed having children, I shared those issues with him.

How do they help overcome your challenges? It's so much easier to have the support of good husband, family and friends. When my husband I got married, we were blessed to have the support of our friends and family. We realize many interracial couples and families are not that lucky. Nevaeh receives nothing but infinite love from BOTH sides of her family. Plus, it's pretty cool that she has both a "big mama" and a "nana."

What are the motherhood joys that other mothers would not know because they are not in your shoes? This situation just makes me value her uniqueness even more--even beyond race, looks, hair texture, skin, complexion. She is more than that and it's up to her dad and I to foster that self-love in her and I think the whole process of doing that will be the bigger payoff and the joys of motherhood.

What are your future family plans (have more children, adopt, etc.)? Right now, no, but we are eternally on God's calendar, so who knows?

How has your mothering situation impacted how you are approaching the future? It's making me be a diligent Mother Cub to make sure she is treated for the special person she is and not how she looks on the outside and it also makes me be more diligent about teaching her to love herself for who she is. That's something that unfortunately a lot of girls, no matter what race they are, have trouble doing.

What do you want others to know about mothers like you (something they may not know)? I'd like them to know that having a biracial child was the least of our issues when we decided to have children. As a mom who survived a liver transplant two years before Nevaeh was born, and a "complicated pregnancy" (so said my ob/gyn), we just wanted a healthy baby and that's what God blessed us with.

Happy Father's Day!

Today, I honor my wonderful husband. He is a loving and caring husband and the best father I have ever known. He brought the gift of motherhood into my life and for that I am eternally grateful.

Our three girls are incredibly lucky and so very blessed to have such a wonderful father. Having three girls can be a rough for some, but he does it with dignity and resilient strength. He treasures their laughs and celebrates their victories. He calms their fears and protects their dreams. He loves them sweetly like a daddy should and they never go a day withough knowing it. I am so proud to be his wife.

And I know lots of other wonderful fathers. Our Black fathers can get a bad rap some time and that’s too bad, because there are a lot of loving and dedicated Black fathers out there. Those that fight for their children, care for their children, sacrifice for their children and even raise other men’s children. They change the diapers, pick up the kids, cook the food, do the shopping and so on and so forth until their role is fulfilled and their children are happy and healthy. They love the job as “dad” and that is ever-present.

So, Happy Father’s Day to my wonderful husband and to all the other wonderful dads out there. Our lives and our soul babies are so blessed to have the wonder of …you.

Colorful Sleepy Sheep- Book Review

by Rory Zuckerman and illustrated by Maryn Roos

Colorful Sleepy Sheep is one of my family’s favorite bedtime books. It’s right up there with Please Baby Please and Goodnight Moon. My daughter (2 and a half at the time) received the book (along with Lola Goes to the Library) as a Christmas grab bag gift at her preschool. Boy did she luck up!

Colorful Sleepy Sheep is part of the four book Sleepy Sheep series. While the book is not written by an African American author, our sweet little main character has caramel brown skin and the cutest little brown afro puffs that you’d ever want to see. Instead of counting sheep to help her go to sleep, this cutie meets lots of interesting sheep sharing ten colors across the rainbow.

This over-sized padded board book came to my family at the perfect time. My daughter was in the process of learning her colors and was struggling with a few. She immediately took to the book, and so did I. The cute rhymes, the adorable sheep and the incorporation of color made it a surefire hit. Once we started reading the book to her, we couldn’t stop. She requested the book every night and after a few short weeks, she not only learned her colors, but could recite the book nearly verbatim. I tell you the cutest part is hearing a 2-year-old say “superb symphonies.” You gotta love it!

The only thing that threw us for a curveball was the inclusion of chartruse, it was a little confusing. But I just told my daughter it was green and we kept it moving.

In addition to being a great book, all by itself, the book comes with the cutest audio CD that you can use to read along. Don’t you just love extras?

So, if you are looking for new bedtime reading, make sure to add this to your library. Check The Soul Mom Bookstore to get your copy. You and your child will enjoy every minute of it! Happy bedtime reading!

Her Autistic Child....Soulful Stories

 
Autism is a developmental disability that affects areas of social, speech-language, sensory, and motor development. According the Center for Disease Control, Autism affects 1 out of 110 children in the US. While there is little data on the number of African American children with this disorder, we do know that African American children are typically diagnosed two years later than Caucasian children. This later diagnosis is significant because children who are diagnosed at a younger age and visit a doctor regularly for treatment show significant improvement in learning and communication skills than those who did not.

Elaine Thompson was lucky with early diagnosis and intervention with her son. Every day she faces the joys, triumphs and challenges of mothering a child with autism. I commend her strength.

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Location: Chicago, IL
Mothering Situation: Mom to An Autistic Child
Child: Cartrell (19)

Describe the details of your unique mothering situation: Cartrell is my second child and the last . I found out Cartrell had autism when he was 18 months old while in the hospital for something totally different. When I found out exactly what was wrong with my child I was scared, hurt, confused, upset and angry because I really wanted a son while I was carrying him. I knew it was a boy and I was happy, but after learning this I just decided to deal with what was in front of me and do the best I could for him.

Your favorite thing about being a mom: The best thing about being Cartrell's mom is that I wanted him so badly and that with the challenges in his life that he may go through, I can tell that he knows he can depend on me for whatever. Through him I have found strength to push forward and not let him down. I look at my son as my blessed child, I've never treated him with a disability and at times he tells me he is normal and hearing him say that just reaffirms that with patience and understanding, I can handle anything I'm faced with in my life.

What challenges have you faced? I never thought I would be dealing with a child who has autism, but he's here and not going anywhere. I've learned through his life in raising him as a single parent. I had to have patience with him, but keep some normal structure in our life so that we learn things together and I understand how I need to be a better parent.

How have you overcome these challenges? Communication is key. Having my family for support when needed. Being involved in his education. Seeing the changes in him moving forward into manhood.

Describe your parenting support system. The support I get from my family and the schools that he's attended is great.

How do they help overcome your challenges? By giving me a break when I need it, or giving me information that helps me to be there for my child.

What are the motherhood joys that other mothers would not know because they are not in your situation? Some of the joys for me are when you're talking with your child and his response to the conversation is understandable and you know he understands what's being said to him. Seeing him progresing in his life.

What are your future family plans (have more children, adopt, etc.)? No more children for me, he's the last.

How has your mothering situation impacted how you are approaching the future? Like I said, to live life as a regular normal family and just live life.

What do you want others to know about mothers like you? I love my son just as I love my daughter and my grandchildren and that I'm probably overly protective of him. I provide and I pray that one day he, or they, might overcome this ability to only want to live inside their own world and be able to live without confinement and limitations. That he will be able to walk among society and not be judged or hurt or even harmed because he is a little different from them.


For more information and resources for African American parents with autistic children:

http://www.child-autism-parent-cafe.com/
http://autisminblack.com/
http://thecolorofautism.org/